How to deliver the perfect Best Man's speech, Part 2: crafting the speech
Part Two: Planning the bloody thing.
So.
You’ve got the stag do sorted. You’ve supported the groom as his house slowly drowns in bunting. You’ve even listened as he’s droned on about the brilliant gypsy folk band he’s hired.
Isn’t there something else you should be cracking on with?
It can be tempting to delay writing the best man’s speech, as it just seems so important.
It’s a pivotal moment of the day, a signifier that all the boring stuff about commitment blah blah blah is over, and it’s time to get the drinks flowing, let your remaining hair down and get stuck into a good old-fashion wedding knees-up. So, like anything important, you’ll probably put it off for as long as humanly possible.
Well don’t panic. It doesn’t have to be like pulling teeth.
Try and give yourself at least two weeks prep time and follow these steps:
Gather as much information as you can. Literally everything. Keep a notebook to write down anything that occurs to you when you’re on the bus (often your subconscious brain works behind the scenes to help you out - from the minute you decide to start thinking about the speech, it will be sorting through all the stuff you know about the groom).
Take 30 minutes to go through all the information, notes and doodles you have and decide which bits are funniest or most indicative of the Groom’s personality. Which stories which get everyone laughing in recognition? At this stage bin anything that could possibly offend, and put your second-best stories to one side.
Structure the remaining notes into a rough beginning, middle and end.
Top and tail with an introduction at the beginning and a toast at the conclusion.
Use this format as a basis for a first draft, making sure each paragraph links to the next and the content has a natural flow to it
Read it out loud and layer on any jokes that occur to you.
So, that’s the outline in a nutshell - but it’s not quite that simple.
In fact, many people stumble at the first hurdle - gathering the information needed to craft an epic best man’s speech.
Gathering the material
This is really the key part of writing an unforgettable best man’s speech.
Put the work in upfront and you’ll have everything you need to do yourself justice.
Here are some key things to think about and start making some notes on:
What’s your first memory of the groom?
If you knew him as a child what was he like?
Was he any good with the opposite sex growing up?
What does he do for a job? Is he any good at it?
How would your friends describe his personality?
How would he describe his personality - is there a clash?
Has he got any hobbies?
Is there anything that really winds him up?
Have you been involved in any funny escapades together?
Does he change when he’s had a drink? If so, how?
What’s your favourite memory of him?
When did he first mention the Bride to you?
What were your first impressions of her?
What’s the dynamic between them like? Who wears the trousers?
What do you know about the proposal?
Have they changed since being together?
What are his best qualities?
Pro tip: Crowdsource your speech. If you’re having trouble answering any of these questions, email mutual friends and the groom’s family, asking for interesting tidbits; people love hearing their stories as part of the speech.
If you put the work in here, you should now have enough information to start structuring your speech.
But before you do that, consider the basics.
1. BE ORIGINAL
If your speech starts with anything the audience have heard before you’re in trouble. They’ll zone out straight away.
Being best man is stressful. It’s tempting to take shortcuts. I’ve seen best man speeches which are literally templates from the internet with the groom’s name inserted. Guess what? They’re rubbish. If you can make it personal, it will be original. Banish any trace of internet jokes or pre-made speeches.
2. THINK ABOUT YOUR LENGTH
Length. This is vital - if you talk for too long you’ll start to lose the audience, and if your speech is too short, you’ll leave everyone unsatisfied. Also, although you might be terrified about the idea of standing up in public, you’ll probably find that you actually enjoy it. In fact, the minute you get the first laugh you’ll regret having only written a 47-second speech.
Don’t do your self out of your moment of glory by writing a deliberately short speech - aim for anything between 8 and 12 minutes.
3. CONSIDER YOUR TONE
As a rule of thumb, you should be aiming your tone at the level of cheeky rather than rude. If you don’t know many of the audience, veer on the safe side. Everyone has a story about an inappropriate Best Man bringing a wedding to a grinding halt. Don’t be that guy. There’s a cake knife near by, and it will be thrown at you.
4. BUILD UP YOUR BROWNIE POINTS.
You know what does no harm? Amassing a few credits with the bride and her family. Compliment them, flatter them and make sure they’re on your side. It can even be worth reassuring the bride beforehand that you’re not going to totally embarrass the groom.
The bride may be as stressed about your speech as you are, so let her know she’s in safe hands.
5. SERVE UP A SHIT SANDWICH.
This is classic management-speak for hiding something bad in between two nice things. When it comes to best men speeches, this is a great model to follow.
Start off nicely, segue into some embarrassing stuff for the groom (if that’s your angle), then wrap everything up in a sincere conclusion. You can basically say whatever you want as long as you’re genuinely nice at the end.
Everyone laughs, then claps. And then cries.
Job done.
So, you’ve planned the speech, got your content together and might even have a draft by this stage.
Cracking work. You’ve done the hard part.
Next week I’ll talk you through writing the perfect best man’s speech in detail.
If you need a hand writing a speech for a wedding, presentation or other event, just get in touch: we’re happy to help - toby@dropthemic.co.uk