How to deliver the perfect Best Man's speech: Part 1.
PART ONE: Preparation
I first got into stand up through wedding speeches.
After I had delivered my third best man speech in as many years (not popular, just available), I was asked if I had been nervous, and I surprised myself by answering “not really” and realising I meant it.
I enjoyed the process of putting the speech together, layering jokes onto it, then standing up in front of happy drunk people to deliver it. Someone suggested I give stand up a go, which I did, and was delighted to find it was more of the same, except with happy drunk people often replaced by angry, bored or indescribably drunk drunk people.
After a while on the circuit, I wanted to earn a bit more money from comedy - and I went back to my roots, helping to write best men/women speeches, groom speeches and father of the bride speeches for clients from all walks of life and for every conceivable type of wedding, from 4 people in a tent in Wales to huge diamond-studded affairs in Dubai.
Having written more than 500 best man speeches and coached various best men (and women) on delivery, I know it doesn’t come naturally to everyone.
Some people hate being the centre of attention. Some people struggle to structure a narrative, or can’t quite find the jokes to make the speech unforgettable. Many people are unsure what tone to use, or what formalities they need to adhere to.
It’s understandable. Weddings are a brilliant minefield at the best of times, and every wedding is unique, with different expectations, dynamics and levels of intoxication.
That said, there are some best practices and guidelines, which, if followed correctly, mean your speech is more likely to blow the roof off than blow your friendships up.
In this first of three blogs I’m going to look at the basic, but most important part of a speech - the preparatory work, how to generate the content and how to set your speech up for success
Next week I’ll explore how to structure and put together a brilliant narrative, followed by some tips on how to deliver a perfect best man’s speech and deal with any nerves.
So: let’s get cracking.
What’s the stuff you didn’t know you needed to know?
Understand the parameters.
The first thing you need to do is to get a feel for the type of speech the audience will want to hear. You’ll need to ask a few basic questions of the happy couple here:
HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL BE ATTENDING, AND HOW DO THE DEMOGRAPHICS BREAK DOWN?
Are they older, younger, mainly the Bride’s family, an equal mix? Understanding this will help you judge the content and tone.
HOW MANY OF THEM WILL YOU KNOW?
If you’ll know everyone in the room you can feel free to include as many in-jokes as as you like.
If it’s a room mainly filled with people you’ve never met before you’d be wise to err on the side of respectability.
The last thing you want to do is recount the story of the time Dave was so drunk he tried to have sex with a tent to a rooms full of nuns, or worse, camping enthusiasts.
WHAT ORDER WILL THE SPEECHES BE IN?
The usual running order is Father of the Bride, Groom, Best Man/Woman, hopefully with a speech from the chief Bridesmaid for balance somewhere in the mix. If you know who is speaking before and after you, you can tailor your speech to reference theirs.
ARE YOU SPEAKING BEFORE, AFTER OR DURING THE MEAL?
Before the meal: people may well be light-headed and a bit peckish; Be sure to let them know they haven’t got long to wait before they can eat.
After the meal? Great, your speech means the party is getting started.
During the meal? Just don’t. Trying to talk amongst chatter and clinking cutlery is one of the worst things you can do to your soul.
IS THERE A MICROPHONE?
If not, when you rehearse your speech, practice projecting and using your hands. If there will be a mic, practice holding an aerosol can (my favourite) to ensure you're comfortable. If there are going to be more than 50 or so people, ask if you can have a PA for the speeches so you can be heard clearly. This also means you can vary your pitch and volume as you speak, which puts you in much more control, whilst automatically giving you command over the room.
DO YOU NEED TO RESPOND TO A TOAST FROM THE BRIDESMAIDS?
Generally this is the Best Man’s role - but not always. Is there anyone you need to thank?
ARE THERE ANY SUBJECTS YOU SHOULD AVOID?
Short answer: yes. There will be. You better find out what they are.
Now you’re armed with the info you need, it’s time to tackle part two: knuckling down and writing the bloody thing.
Need a hand? Get in touch! We can take the strain with a bespoke best man speech. Just drop us a line at Toby@dropthemic.co.uk